I just wanted to “go home”. I had (almost) given up.
“Circumstances” – and the intervention of some wonderful friends (thank you Scott and Kathleen) - brought me to the jungle and “my” shaman for the first time.
Where nothing else had had any effect (over the course of years) on the illness in my body, as well as my giving up mentally and my intense emotional pain… the medicinal plants of the jungle and the treatments from the shaman, changed everything within only a couple of weeks.
I was amazed… and so so grateful.
I had lived my life, staying away from what I considered “drugs”. Growing up in a family of nurses and doctors, always having been given pills for everything, I revolted and went the other way… wanting to live “clean”. Yes, I’d have a glass of wine or take a Tylenol for headache every now and again, but for the most part I was a virgin when it came to anything that affects your perception.
He would go into the jungle and come back with roots, sap, leaves, bark, flowers, snakes, insect etc, and from that he created potions to drink, waters to bathe in, creams to rub on my skin etc, along with his hands on treatments, with smoke, prayers, songs and much more.
During my very first ceremony with the Grandmother (Ayahuasca) I was in fetal position on the ground, begging for mercy. My mind was screaming for the control it had just lost to the plant medicine and my body was nauseated in a way it had never experienced before. But I knew there was no “off-button” and the only way was through the experience… 6-8 hours later.
Surrender became the theme of this journey.
I’ve had the blessing of teachers working through ruthless love, pushing me to the edge of my ability, and never giving in to pitying me or falling for my ways of trying to escape or find a shortcut... just a clear ruthless reflection.
None of them came close to the ruthlessness of this medicinal plant. Grandmother will purge everything that is no longer serving you. It can be a beautiful experience, feeling connected to all that is, remembering what you are… or it can be, what feels like an eternity, of purging through every opening and pore of the body.
As my physical forms were healing, the ceremonies started to become enjoyable… and powerful transformational experiences. I realized it was a collaborative journey, where I consciously could work together with the plant, bringing more and more alignment, health and power into my being.
I started to learn - and master - the art…
... and this wisdom ha deepened, every time I have gone back.
I’ll be going back again this summer.
June 18th to 24th / June 18th to 30th
For the first time,
I’ll be offering this opportunity
to anyone who feels called to bring greater health, balance, awareness, alignment, power into their lives.
"My" shaman has agreed to work with a group, the way he has worked with me, where his ceremonies are focused on deep inner work.
(Many shamans and retreat places now offer "ceremonial tourism", where you can experience the medicinal plants, without any deep or lasting effect - this is not that.)