So grateful for people with integrity.
This whole adventure delayed the onset of my journey and had me staying an extra month in San Diego…, which turned out to be the most unexpected and amazing time, where my dream for the last 12 years came full circle, and to completion.
None, which would have happened, had I not gotten stuck with my car issues.
What on the surface seemed like an undesired obstacle, truly was a blessing in disguise… the way life usually is… which is often not clear to most of us human beings, at least not until we can look at an event in the rear view mirror, knowing the outcome of it all.
I eventually did set out on my South American journey, starting in Ecuador for a few months. The intent was clear; a rebuilding of my human form, after years of illness, as well as the creation of a new dream, bringing myself and my gifts back out into the world.
So many things were planned, including taking groups of people into the jungle and into the Andes, traveling to a local shaman, visiting with a minister friend in Quito etc… all part of the building process.
And then life happened…
A few days ago, as I was heading home from my morning walk, practice and meditation by the Tomebamba river, I stepped of the two feet curb, right in front of a taxi. I have had my fair share of accidents and traumatic events… but being hit by a car was the first.
Moments like these are often surreal experiences… time as we know it, proves itself a myth, awareness naturally expands and we have access to so much more of what we truly are. We’ve all heard stories of mothers lifting cars to save their children.
Time stands still, all stories fall away and there is nothing but the present moment.
It is exquisite!
This time, for me, was different than any other time I’ve been in a situation like this.
My attention stayed with that which I am, the space of consciousness, which within all else arises.
Yet, I was fully present in my body, mind and emotions... at the same time.
As I lay motionless on the street, with people rushing towards me, speaking caringly in Spanish (which I am far from fluent in), I was aware of myself beyond my human form, scanning the body, while holding a calming space for my mind and emotions.
It was fascinating being the witnessing creative consciousness, as well as the human form - simultaneously… so detached, yet so completely present and aware.
Long story short… I ended up with a small fracture in my right ankle, right where a ligament attaches… so now I’ll be in a cast and stay of that foot for two months or so.
I’ve been in bad accidents before, some that really should have been fatal, but never have I broken or fractured anything, so it’s almost strange to me, to have this arise in my dream. Yet, being hit by a car could have had far worse consequences, and of course there is an awareness – and gratitude – that I am almost unharmed, and soon will heal.
I’m an active person… crutches are not my thing! How frustrating to not be able to move around freely...
… and receiving, oh my, isn’t that a good practice for this human, who wants to do it all herself.
It’s time to redirect my energies, refocus my intent and surrender to what Is.
Obviously I’ll not be taking people – or even myself - on journeys right now.
Throughout this life, I have learned to see that I am always at the right place at the right time… regardless of what my human persona might think of it at the time.
She gets to choose what attitude to take, and her choice determines her experience.
I am so fascinated this time…
witnessing my body, with it’s intense pain, initial shock, it’s strength and weaknesses,
as well as my mind reaching for fear, self-pity, resistance and other humanly habitual responses in situations like this, while aslo wanting to be strong and untouched, judging when I'm not
and not to forget my emotions, responding to body and mind, arising in waves…
and yet, I am the consciousness holding space for all these human forms, and I – consciousness – get to choose where I put my attention.
It has been extra ordinary to be able to stay with my attention in consciousness, that which I am, while body, mind and emotions are allowed to freely arise within me, with very little resistance or judgment.
They – my human forms – are responding based on previous life experiences and learned behaviours, they are not rooted in the present moment and definitively not aligned with the future I am currently creating. Their responses are fully valid, based on their understanding… but it would not be beneficial for me, to make my choices based on their responses.
Staying with my attention in the consciousness that I am, is making all the difference. Yes, pain is soaring through my body, thougths of resistance, judgement and pity arise, emotions come in waves… and yet, at the same time, I am happy and at peace, totally aligned with what is unfolding.
What an incredible opportunity to expereince that which I am more fully.
My body has been temporarily and partially immobilized... but it does not mean I am!
This is an opportunity to refocus on my writing and some projects that are coming my way.
I still plan to go to Peru in February (10-20 or so) visiting “my” shaman… send me a private message if you have any interest in joining me.
I am so grateful for this beautiful journey of life!